Trials Aplenty

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."  (James 1:2-3)

No one could ever say our life is boring. There definitely was an interesting twist to things today.

Ever since I was pregnant with Samantha we have participated in a study from the UC Davis MIND Institute regarding autism. It has been a very thorough study (they were even at the birth to get her umbilical cord).

Today was her 24-month testing. I expected nothing unusual and we planned for my husband to take the boys around Sacramento while Samantha and me "played" at the MIND Institute.

Ever since her hospital stays, Samantha has been wary of hospitals and doctors. Once she saw the exam room, I could that tell that she decided to be difficult. She refused to answer questions that I knew she knew and was distracted by the foot pedal that ran the sink.

The results? A provisional diagnosis of autism. Yep, autism. All three kids. Autism.

They said that they saw possible signs of autism and that she was one criteria short of a diagnosis...hence the "provisional" part.

We are dumbfounded. But not crushed. You see, autism can't kill her. No, PH is the one that wants to do that.

We don't really think she is autistic, but they would like her to receive early intervention services "just to be on the safe side." I get it. I kinda agree. I just wish this was the worst news we would ever hear about her.

Honestly, I felt very little when they told me. You see, once you've been told your daughter has a disease that will probably kill her, well, most other news just pales in comparison.

What the heck. We'll get her services. We'll go back to the MIND Institute when she is 3 to have her reevaluated. We'll deal with it.

I just don't feel the same way about this diagnosis as I did with the boys. I don't think I ever can. Probably, partly, because I believe they are way, way off base. But also because autism can't destroy me anymore. It doesn't bring me to my knees.

Autism is not the scary boogeyman. Autism does not kill. Autism does not take your child away. Autism is something I can work with. I can feel useful with autism. I can make charts and laminate icons. With PH....I'm on the sidelines, wringing my hands and pacing. I'm praying for a cure when no one is even close to one.

Autism is something I know. PH is something I hate.

But, I still felt a little punched in the gut after the evaluation. There has just been one blow after another coming our way. I feel like once we start to recover from something (layoff, extended family drama, insurance issues, etc) then something else comes and knocks us down again.

But, with Christ, we will get up again and fight. We will fight for our children. We will fight for our lives. We will fight PH.

So, bring on the trials! We got everything we need!