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Seasons

Monday, December 22, 2014

Christmas Memories: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

Last Christmas was a blur. The day before Christmas vacation for the boys, we noticed that Samantha was breathing hard. We took her to the first of what would be many doctor appointments. Over the course of the next few weeks, we were told she had pneumonia, might have a rare lung disease, might have leukemia, and then back to pneumonia. Test after test was run. Antibiotics and steroids were given with no effect.

I felt this sick pit in my stomach that there was something else, something they were all missing…

The day before Christmas, Samantha had a doctors appointment. The day after Christmas she had to get a chest x-ray and blood draw. We really didn’t have high hopes for Christmas day itself.

Turned out, Samantha was miserable all Christmas day. She couldn’t breathe. She didn’t have much strength and cried almost the entire day. Most of the pictures from her “First Christmas” suck. We put her pretty Christmas dress on, but we couldn’t make it to church service. She was too sick.

We didn’t know about Pulmonary Hypertension last Christmas. We didn’t know the name of the devil we were up against. We just knew that something was draining the life from our baby girl. Something was killing her…

I am so grateful that January came. I am so grateful that the bureaucratic insurance companies and doctors moved so quickly. By the end of January, Samantha was diagnosed with PH, hospitalized, and put on her medicine.

This Christmas feels so very different. We have had a difficult year and it was capped off by my husband being laid off from a position he held for 14 years. Yet, Christmas feels more joyful and hopeful than ever before.

As we near December 25, my mind wanders back to a year ago. I watch my beautiful little girl twirl around her room, holding her new baby doll, and I see the difference a year has made. The right diagnosis, the right medicine, the right doctors—they have all made a difference. I thank God he led us in the right direction and gave us the wisdom and strength we needed.

While I am still faced with the fact that my daughter may not live very long, I know that she is living a better life than she was a year ago. I cherish every moment with her. Every laugh. Every cry. Every delightful second.

I know that this Christmas will be one million times better than last year. Samantha has a new Christmas dress this year and I know she will love wearing it (she’s become a bit of a fashionista). And we have discovered that Samantha loves Christmas music and is amazed at the lights and decorations.


Merry Christmas, everyone. May God bless you with love, joy, and happiness. I know He has for us.

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